Roundup!!!

David Cameron Poster

Make your own, every one's a winner.

http://www.andybarefoot.com/politics/cameron.php?poster=82470

 

 

 

Human Spiderman. Whoa! This guy is just amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzLuFiL8tPc&feature=related

 

 

Best Fails of 2009

http://www.maxim.co.uk/video/comedy/19786/best_fails_of_2009.html?CMP=NLC-Newsletters

 

 

It's Finished!

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/win7.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

Cadburys

Only the crumbliest flakiest government would allow this to happen........................

 

 

 

Why do they call it Fox News?

Because that's what it does!

 

 

 

 

Due to the icy conditions lately, a lady has slipped and fatally died while leaving Sainsbury’s….... very sad news.... she had just bought a bag for life!

 

 

 

 

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer, football and women with big tits."

 

 

 

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning

service, and she's in tears.

 

He says to her, "What's bothering you, dear?"

 

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed

away last night."

 

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! But he was always

cheating on you, wasn't he?"

 

"Yes, that he was." she replied.

 

"So, at least that's over, now isn't it?" said the priest, trying

to find at least a little good in Mary's time of woe. "Tell me,"

he went on, "did he have any last requests?"

 

"That he did, Father..."

 

"What did he ask, Mary?"

 

"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that gun!'"

 

 

 

At the bank: "I'm here to speak to the loan arranger." "He's not here." "Well then, can I talk to Tonto?"

 

 

 

During a recent phone conversation, I asked my Mother if I was a gifted

child. She told me that they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

 

#

 

#

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Roundup!!!!

 

 

Siblings eh! Hell hath no fury and all that..........

Sister grasses up brother for having beer in room, parents ground him for 3 months, he finds her "list" and posts it on facebook, tags everyone on the list....

http://www.woosk.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/facebook-karma.jpg

Character assasination...Total

 

 

The truth of the Internet

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/net_a.jpg

 

 

 

Do I want that ?

I'm not sure if I want this book or not

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0023XAE0I/sr=1-1/qid=1263806803/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1263806803&sr=1-1&seller=

 

 

 

Amusingly named Japanese scientist

http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=Pxq&q=%22yu+arafuka

 

 

photo manipulation at its finest

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/photo-manipulation-at-its

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ricky Gervais hosts The Golden Globes

Excerpts from Ricky at the Awards show last night . . .

"Looking at all these faces reminds me of all the great work that's been done this year... by cosmetic surgeons.”

"I had a penis reduction. Just got the one now. It's pretty tiny. So are my hands. So when I hold it, it looks pretty big. I wish I was doing that now, to be honest.“

"Now let's get on with it before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno."

"Actors aren't just loved here in Hollywood, they're loved the world over because they're recognisable. You can be in the Third World and you get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it makes you feel better. You can be a little child, a little Asian child, with no possessions, no money - but you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think, 'Mummy!'"

"I was on the same plane as Paul McCartney to get here. I was in first and he was behind me in coach. Well, he spent a lot of money last year."

"I've had a couple of beers... I'm not going to lie to you. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I like a drink as much as the next man... Unless the next man is Mel Gibson."

"A particular stereotype is that Irishmen are drunk, hairy hell raisers. Now please welcome Colin Farrell."

Introducing Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler as "Rachel from Friends and the guy from 300."

Gervais also took a shot at his American counterpart for The Office', Steve Carrell. In answer to Gervais' joke about people wondering where Steve Carrell gets his ideas from, Carrell mouthed at him “I will break you.”

"I will be making the most of this; I'm not used to these viewing figures - let's face it, nor is NBC." He said in reference to his hosting of the Golden Globes.

 

 

Satan writes to Rev Pat Robinson about his 'pact with Haiti'.

 

 

Dear Pat Robertson,

 

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

 

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.

 

Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

 

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

 

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

 

Best,

 

Satan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two women are sitting next to each other on an aeroplane. One is in her twenties, the other in her fifties.

 

The younger woman says to the elder, "Excuse me, but I couldn't help notice that beautiful diamond ring you're wearing. It's just incredible."

 

The older woman replies, "Thank you. This is the famous 'Plotnick Diamond' "

 

"The Plotnick Diamond? I've never heard of it."

 

"Oh yes, it's very famous. The Plotnick Diamond."

 

"Well," says the younger woman, "it really is beautiful. I would give anything to have a diamond like that."

 

"NO! Don't even say that!" exclaims the older woman. "Believe me, darling, you do not want to own this diamond!"

 

"But why not?"

 

"Because there is a terrible curse attached to this diamond, that' why."

 

"A curse?" the younger woman asks.

 

"Yes, a curse. A curse so awful and horrible that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!"

 

"What kind of curse could possibly be so terrible?"

 

The older woman replies, lowering her voice slightly, "Mister Plotnick."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recommendations: 50 A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a

parrot sitting on a little perch, It has a

For Sale sign at £200 for defective Parrot.

 

The guy calls out to the staff, so whats

wrong with the parrot?

 

The parrot says,Hi my names Pete,I was born

without legs, so I am defective

 

Wow!! the guy replies. "You

actually understood and answered me!

 

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I

happen to be a highly intelligent

thoroughly educated bird."

 

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this

-- how do you hang onto your perch

without any feet?"

 

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very

embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap

my winkle around this wooden perch like a

little hook. You can't see it because of

my feathers."

 

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can

understand and speak English can't you?"

 

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and

English, and I can converse with

reasonable competence on almost any topic:

politics, religion, sports, physics,

philosophy. I'm especially good at

ornithology. You really ought to buy me.

I'd be a great companion."

 

The guy looks at the £200.00 price tag.

"Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

 

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm

defective, so the truth is, no body wants

me cause I don't have any feet. You can

probably get me for £20; just make them

an offer!"

 

The guy offers £20 and walks out with the

parrot.

 

Weeks go by, Pete the parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humour, he's

interesting, he's a great pal, he

understands everything, he sympathizes,

and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

 

One day the guy comes home from work and

Pete goes, "Psssssssssssst," and

motions him over with one wing. "I don't

know if I should tell you this or not, but

it's about your wife and the postman."

 

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

 

"When the postman delivered the mail

today, your wife greeted him at the door

in a sheer black nightie."

 

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.

"THEN what happened?"

 

"Well, then the postman came into the

house and lifted up her nightie and began

petting her all over," reported the

parrot.

 

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

 

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the

nightie, got down on his knees and began

to kiss her all over....."

 

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT

HAPPENED?"

 

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and

fell off my perch!"

 

 

#

 

 

 

#

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Roundup!!!

I don't fancy going there:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20100107/tuk-steady-hand-for-a-genital-emergency-6323e80.html

"Steel yourself and pipe down, because this might hurt..." ;0)

A simpler solution would have been the application of lots of ice.

That would have reduced the problem to nothing - literally.

I understand that our local hospital has a Susan Boyle DVD which is used for similar emergencies.

 

 

WOW!!!!!

Hooters Calendar 2010

http://i676.photobucket.com/albums/vv130/geekdrop/Smartmom/hooters.png

 

 

Church Mice

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/churchmice.jpg

 

 

 

 

Day 8 of the "Big Freeze"............. ...............and some residents of the small sleepy Sussex village cannot take any more...

 

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/sh_a.jpg

 

 

Igloo for sale

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190363198105#description

Checkout the Q & A too :-)

 

 

 

Three animal rights protesters made a BIG mistake....

http://www.best-news-site-ever.com/index.php?p=1_115

LMAO!!

 

If Star Wars had Facebook . . .

http://themovieblog.com/2009/12/if-star-wars-had-facebook

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peter Robinson went to the optician complaining that his eyes had been watering since March.

The optician told him it was because there was something stuck in his Iris...

 

 

 

A guy walks into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, an engineer from the local airport walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'd like a Line Service monkey, please."The clerk nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the engineer, saying, "That'll be $1,000." The engineer paid and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the first customer went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars.

Why did that one cost so much?"

 

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah-----that was a line service monkey.

He can park, fuel, and service all types of aircraft, conduct all required ground ops testing, rig aircraft flight controls, and all with no mistakes.

He's well worth the money."

 

With his interest peaked, the customer then looked around and spotted a monkey in another cage with a $10,000 price tag. "That one's even more expensive! What can it do?" he asked.

"Oh, that one is a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey. She can instruct at all levels of aircraft maintenance, supervise all corrective and preventive maintenance programs, supervise a crew of maintainers, and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.

 

The customer continued to look around the shop a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read $50,000. Reading that the customer said, "$50,000!!!! Holy smoke, what does this one do?"

"Well", the shopkeeper said, "I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer, screw the girl monkeys, and play with his dick, but his papers say he's a pilot!"

 

 

 

 

Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.

 

 

When I was younger I hated going to weddings.

 

It seemed that all of my aunts and the grand motherly types used to come up

to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'.

 

They stopped that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals......

 

 

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees.

 

The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

 

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

 

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

 

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

 

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

 

They went for a coffee and pondered the situation.

 

Tiger Woods, who was sitting at the next table, leaned over and said; "It's quite simple, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home."

 

 

 

 

#

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Sun Creative Group Limited. Registered in England Company Number: 5050538
Registered Address: 138 Walton Road, East Molesey, Surrey KT8 0HP

Suicide bombers set to strike tomorrow!

 

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.

 

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

 

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth." Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by

management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 25,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"

 

Speaking from a shed somewhere in the West Midlands , where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that

they won't be able to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.

 

Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like that...it's too much to swallow".

 

Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will put down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only be using explosives from the waist down, in order to express solidarity with

their striking brethren.

 

 

Further talks will be held.....

 

#

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___________________________

Sun Creative Group Limited. Registered in England Company Number: 5050538
Registered Address: 138 Walton Road, East Molesey, Surrey KT8 0HP

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP

FW: Roundup!!!!

8 inches of snow URL

http://tweetphoto.com/8271174

(might offend some)

 

 

 

 

Girls are dime a dozen but an icecream…

http://data.dump.iof.ru/data/2009_09_07_09_27_romario_nm_ru_sva_177.jpg

 

 

 

The count of eggie christo

http://data.dump.iof.ru/data/2009_09_14_11_58_www_inpic_ru_pic_3552_a7747c10.jpg

 

 

 

 

New way of doing captcha codes

http://data.dump.iof.ru/data/2009_10_05_11_52_4_bp_blogspot_com__F4yinVt5IS8_R4vY9AEi60I_AAAAAAAACm0_h5HJJRTW7co_s1600_h_funny_captcha_12.jpg

 

 

One place to avoid then

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYeSO6wWo6c96kUTg5adRH5wQ9eLVfqUkOUDh9qyZkgVSvS8jM1rmM0XcOvsLW8GW3xYStmJO6IwNDiTTj92FO7gx12WQPTeIVW5t2WAohKIH7Eqv020iBWK0elnY5RfpHnBA1SKlgTrje/s400/Vo7f3_Irony_at_its_best-s580x434-31649-580.jpg

 

 

 

 

Found on a bulletin board thread:

 

"Ok here's what you do for real. Get minesweeper, play it exactly 33 times then wait 5 seconds. Ok, then you'll hear an inaudible tone, then wait 5 seconds. Now, play minesweeper 6 more times and it will happen."

 

 

 

 

Sung to 'Send In the Clowns' from A Little Night Music.

 

(Apologies to Sondheim, who won't see this anyway).

 

SEND IN THE PLOWS

 

Isn't it white? Isn't it flat?

The street is somewhere over there, beneath all of that.'Send in the plows'.

 

Don't we get weird, cooped up all day?

Regress 'til we're bored all day, Go out and play!!

But where are the plows? 'Send in the plows'.

 

Just when I'd dug out to the cars,

Finally brushing them off to see which one was ours,

Tried the ignition again, even got it to run, Another foot fell,

Back to square one.

 

I don't mean to bitch, or be unkind.

But cross-country skiers on motorways are out of their minds!

Call for the plows. How can they plow a street they can't find?

 

Isn't it white? Isn't it bleak?

Home on the computer today, one more net-geek.

And where are the plows? There ought to be plows,

'send in the plows'.

 

Well, maybe next week??.         

 

 

Hi, I'm from the Government. If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see the solutions.

 

 

 

This maths test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was Saving Private Ryan.  Try it without looking at the answers.  It works! 
  
  
Pick a number from 1 - 9. 
  
Multiply by 3. 
  
Add 3, then multiply by 3 again. 
  
You will get your answer by adding the  two digits together to find your all time favourite movie. 
 
Good Luck 
  

 

It is: 
  
1.   Gone with the wind. 
  
2.   Aliens. 
  
3.   Oliver 
  
4.   Star Wars 
  
5.   Forrest Gump. 
  
6.   Saving Private Ryan. 
  
7.   Jaws. 
  
8.   Grease. 
  
9.   The joy of Anal Sex with male goats & leather clad rent boys. 
  
10.   Mary Poppins.

 

 

 

How come, when my wife says "we need to talk," it's never about football?

 

 

 

 

#

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Sun Creative Group Limited. Registered in England Company Number: 5050538
Registered Address: 138 Walton Road, East Molesey, Surrey KT8 0HP

FW: Why men don't write advice columns......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

__._,_.___
FFFFFFFFF
FF#

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FFFFFFF
FF
FF
FF

UU     UU
UU     UU
UU     UU  & Fun Only - A Group For Friends !!!!!
UU     UU
   UUUU

NN      NN
NN N   NN
NN  N  NN
NN   N NN
NN      NN

.

 

 

Sun Creative Group Limited. Registered in England Company Number: 5050538
Registered Address: 138 Walton Road, East Molesey, Surrey KT8 0HP

FW: Roundup!!!!

 

8 inches of snow URL

http://tweetphoto.com/8271174

(might offend some)

 

 

 

 

Girls are dime a dozen but an icecream…

http://data.dump.iof.ru/data/2009_09_07_09_27_romario_nm_ru_sva_177.jpg

 

 

 

The count of eggie christo

http://data.dump.iof.ru/data/2009_09_14_11_58_www_inpic_ru_pic_3552_a7747c10.jpg

 

 

 

 

New way of doing captcha codes

http://data.dump.iof.ru/data/2009_10_05_11_52_4_bp_blogspot_com__F4yinVt5IS8_R4vY9AEi60I_AAAAAAAACm0_h5HJJRTW7co_s1600_h_funny_captcha_12.jpg

 

 

One place to avoid then

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYeSO6wWo6c96kUTg5adRH5wQ9eLVfqUkOUDh9qyZkgVSvS8jM1rmM0XcOvsLW8GW3xYStmJO6IwNDiTTj92FO7gx12WQPTeIVW5t2WAohKIH7Eqv020iBWK0elnY5RfpHnBA1SKlgTrje/s400/Vo7f3_Irony_at_its_best-s580x434-31649-580.jpg

 

 

 

 

Found on a bulletin board thread:

 

"Ok here's what you do for real. Get minesweeper, play it exactly 33 times then wait 5 seconds. Ok, then you'll hear an inaudible tone, then wait 5 seconds. Now, play minesweeper 6 more times and it will happen."

 

 

 

 

Sung to 'Send In the Clowns' from A Little Night Music.

 

(Apologies to Sondheim, who won't see this anyway).

 

SEND IN THE PLOWS

 

Isn't it white? Isn't it flat?

The street is somewhere over there, beneath all of that.'Send in the plows'.

 

Don't we get weird, cooped up all day?

Regress 'til we're bored all day, Go out and play!!

But where are the plows? 'Send in the plows'.

 

Just when I'd dug out to the cars,

Finally brushing them off to see which one was ours,

Tried the ignition again, even got it to run, Another foot fell,

Back to square one.

 

I don't mean to bitch, or be unkind.

But cross-country skiers on motorways are out of their minds!

Call for the plows. How can they plow a street they can't find?

 

Isn't it white? Isn't it bleak?

Home on the computer today, one more net-geek.

And where are the plows? There ought to be plows,

'send in the plows'.

 

Well, maybe next week??.         

 

 

Hi, I'm from the Government. If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see the solutions.

 

 

 

This maths test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was Saving Private Ryan.  Try it without looking at the answers.  It works! 
  
  
Pick a number from 1 - 9. 
  
Multiply by 3. 
  
Add 3, then multiply by 3 again. 
  
You will get your answer by adding the  two digits together to find your all time favourite movie. 
 
Good Luck 
  

 

It is: 
  
1.   Gone with the wind. 
  
2.   Aliens. 
  
3.   Oliver 
  
4.   Star Wars 
  
5.   Forrest Gump. 
  
6.   Saving Private Ryan. 
  
7.   Jaws. 
  
8.   Grease. 
  
9.   The joy of Anal Sex with male goats & leather clad rent boys. 
  
10.   Mary Poppins.

 

 

 

How come, when my wife says "we need to talk," it's never about football?

 

 

 

 

#

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Sun Creative Group Limited. Registered in England Company Number: 5050538
Registered Address: 138 Walton Road, East Molesey, Surrey KT8 0HP

Global reaction to terrorist threat

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."  Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."  The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."  The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

 

The Scots raised their threat level from "pi**ed Off" to "Let's get the barstewards"

They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.

 

 

 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide".  The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."  The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

 

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert, Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher

levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

 

 

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

 

 

 

And in the southern hemisphere... New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".  Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "sh*t, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate".  Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled".

So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

 

 

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Sun Creative Group Limited. Registered in England Company Number: 5050538
Registered Address: 138 Walton Road, East Molesey, Surrey KT8 0HP

Oh well I'm still snowed in, but to some peoples credit they will try to get to the office in their iced up car, but often this can be very frustrating and a time consuming experience. (As this office worker found out to add to his woes).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVIabdmN4ns


Picture posed by model
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/01/06/warrant-issued-for-arrest-of-man-accused-of-having-sex-with-a-donkey-115875-21947163/
Just incase any reader thought the photo of the donkey was actually of the very same donkey in the article...




Anatidaephobia . Google it (work safe). And if you don't laugh - I give up!!

Then

It’s true, and also.. Great advert placement
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1249339/anatidaephobia_the_fear_that_you_are.html?cat=70
I hope none was fooled by the vowel change in the author's name. They're EVERYWHERE I tell you...

Ironic: Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words
Then why has Lisp got an “S” in it?


Fathers Day at the Skywalker residence
http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs225.snc1/7222_156470442912_711292912_2720320_55218_n.jpg


Paignton Ice Skating for Cars
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MPRmOUxRMY
Our car is sliding out of control on ice. I know, we'll bail out. D'oh!






I received a letter this morning giving me the results of my medical. It said "I regret to inform you that you have dyslexia and you're impotent".
Well, it's a shame about the dyslexia but I already knew I was impotent; I'm the CEO of a multinational company and an advisor to the government.




1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow


2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient..

Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath


3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.

'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ...' So how was your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.


7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation..
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Airport Security!

The Rake
http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf


Eckie-Gnumph
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/8439446.stm
And he looks soooo normal….


Avatar, have we not seen this before perchance?
http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/ava.jpg


The greatest thing about Celebrity Big Brother is when the celeb's first enter the house, walk down the stairs and they look at themselves in the mirror to their left and ask themselves, "What the hell happened to my career?"


I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution.......... 1024×768


After being made redundant I retrained to become a Police Officer.
Well it beats walking the streets everyday!!




Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in
front of him; the other a Star of David. Many people pass by and look at both
beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the
beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.

Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says,
"My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country, this city is
the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there
with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a
beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of
spite."

The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listened to the priest, turned to the
beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the
Goldstein brothers about marketing."



A girl texted me saying what does idk,ly &ttyl mean? So I said ' I don’t know, love you, talk to you later' And she said "Okay I'll ask someone else"




A guy goes into the confessional box.

He finds on one wall a small bar with Guinness on tap.

On the other wall is a box of the finest Cuban cigars.

On the seat is the latest Hustler Magazine.

Finally, the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to

confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more

inviting these days."

The priest replies, "Get out. You're in my side."