Friday, 16 December 2011

FW: Roundup!!!

What a split second looks like....


Is nothing Sacred any more?




Want to be healthy?


awkward family photos



Guantanamo eBay



New doubts about Frozen Planet authenticity.



Tube dancer video sparks web row  An amusing video





There's a sign above the door where I work that says, "Once you go black you never come back".
You've got to have a sense of humour in the crematorium.




I just bought a Christmas tree. The assistant asked "Will you be putting it up yourself?" I replied "No, it's going in the living room."



What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.





With the Christmas Season fast approaching, I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

Well, I have done something about it:

A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some pals and had a few too many; knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I'd never driven a bus before and I'm not sure where I got this one.


I was a bit disappointed with my Anne Frank advent calendar. There's loads of chocolate crammed in to one window but all the others are empty.




What do Scousers put in their stockings at Christmas?
Their heads.



The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually assaulted from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.



The Government has issued a travel warning due to the cold weather.
They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:

Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
Rock Salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty petrol Can
First Aid Kit
Booster cables

I looked like such an idiot on the bus this morning.