Friday, 27 March 2009


What does your teenager get up to .... .. when left alone in the house with a paintbrush?!!

Pie Chart

Excellent add - with excellent questions.

12 Year Old Boy Scouts volunteer to give Breast Examinations

(Now why didn't *I* think of that???)

Madoff Behind Bars - Day 1

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. 

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' 

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. 

So my wife called him a dickhead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. 

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. 

It's important at our age.

An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders
sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never
showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give
him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the
pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of
blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully
approached, they saw the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There
was no sign of the lion.

"What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief.

"Forget the damn lion !" he howled. "Which of you Idiots let the bull

During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema
prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained

The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit
down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up...

The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know
what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound
98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple.
The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the
actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a
representative of each faction of the congregation.

The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is
the tradition to stand during this prayer?"

The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."

The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during

The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."

Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the
time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand..."

The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is our tradition!"