TOP TEN Crosswind and Scary Aircraft Landings
Not strictly speaking a joke, but have a look at the review of this pub written “pgazz” – about half the way down the page and dated 18th August 2008.
Take a look at the attached picture of a typical back garden melon patch. If you concentrate on the centre of a picture, after about 30 secs, you should see the image of a girl appear:
Remarkable isn't it?
All because the lady loves.....
It's time to stamp out atheists in America.
A reader voices strong opinion on atheists...
A convincing argument if ever I heard one!
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog...
"Would anyone else like to see hostages in videos being a bit cheekier? Someguy who's about to get his head chopped off with a sword turning around going: ‘Short back and sides please, big man!'"
"You see Amy Winehouse in the papers? She looks like a campaign poster for neglected horses. She got done for assault. Kicked out at some guy that tried to put a saddle on her."
"One of the side effects of the smoking ban in Scotland is that every pub has tables and chairs outside. Glasgow looks like Paris after a nuclear war."
"Did anyone see that thing where Jordan came out and said she's only had 10 lovers? Did anyone else think she just ran out of fingers?"
They say that the average male has sex 2580 times during their life. Statistically, that means I am going to live until I'm 197.
I took my 6 year old son to the zoo last week. We were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden he yells, "Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!"
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
"What did you call it?" I asked.
"It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!" he said,
... and so it did,
A F R I C A N Elephant.
A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.
She pleads, “please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back.” And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says: “He had a hat!”
I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you at this time of year. It was to me.
The imagery, the phrasing, it is truly magnificent.
' WINTER '
a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre
Bugger me sideways
The anti terrorist squad are looking into claims that some tins of Alphabeti Spaghetti have been tampered with and that explosive devices could have been placed in them, a spokesman has said "If one of these tins were to explode it could spell disaster".
The driver of a huge tractor trailer lost control of his rig, he ploughed
into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces.
He climbed down from his truck and looked at the wreckage, not quite
sure what to do. Within a matter of minutes, another truck pulled up and
unloaded a crew of workers.
The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread
some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces
together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth
reconstructed and good as new.
"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was that
white stuff you used to get all of the pieces together?"
The crew chief said, ........
Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."