What the British say / What they really mean
Simon Cowell is a sissy
Just bonkers, quite mad act.
I read today in the news that one in four women are on medication for a mental disorder. This really brought home to me the horror of the situation. That means three out of four women aren't receiving the medical treatment they need.
How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - One to remove the bulb and drop it - the other to try and flog it before it crashes through the floor!
I read today in the news that one in four women are on medication for a mental disorder.
This really brought home to me the horror of the situation.
That means three out of four women aren't receiving the medical treatment they need!!
I've been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants; Feefiphobia
(From the North Wyoming News, 2nd April 2010, "Letters to the Editor")
I object and take exception to people saying that Obama and Congress are spending money like a drunken sailor.
As a former drunken sailor, I quit when I ran out of money.
Bruce L. Hargreaves
Saw a shit mind reader today.
Mind reader: Think of a card, any card.
Mind reader: Visualize it in your mind.
Mind reader: Is it the nine of clubs?
Mind reader: Ace of spades?
Mind reader: What is it then?
Me: 'Condolences on your loss'
Status update from female friend of mine on Facebook -
Right Girlies we don't like the men thinking they are doing some hard work not shaving for 'movember' sooo..... Wait for it let's do FANNUARY!!! keep ourselfs warm through winter!!! Happy growing :))))))
And one of her friends has replied:
The boys have taken update pics of theirs! There is no way I'll be takin pics of mine and postin on Facebook thanks!!! Lol x
Duck walks to the edge of the pavement looks each way. Chicken shouts "For goodness sake mate, don't. You'll never hear the end of it"
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.
They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland .
Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal.
Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves.
His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.
Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we
go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have
chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which
are easier to remove).
These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed
me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly
noticed any marks.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub
against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed
to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because
they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing