Monday, 1 September 2008

Roundup !!!

Note to Webmasters...before advertising your work, make sure you close down stuff that you don't want others to see before taking screenshots the IE labels on the taskbar....

Beer Goggles

Darth Vader calls the Emperor

Am I alone in thinking this picture advertising the above is more than a little, erm, dubious?

I had a minor medical problem so my doctor referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday. She is absolutely gorgeous and unbelievably sexy.The first thing she told me is that I have to stop masturbating. When I asked her why she said, ''Because I'm trying to examine you.......''

I think my favourites are 'Planet of the Grapes' Wine Store and William the Concreter. :-)))

In his speech last week, Barack Obama said that "God loves America".Well, God may love America, but he really hates New Orleans.

Friendship among Women:A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning, she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.Friendship among Men:A man didn't come home one night. The next morning, he told his wife he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed he had slept over and two said he was still there.

Picture the scene . . you come home from work and the door is opened by your woman who's wearing nothing apart from one of your shirts. Her long legs disappear invitingly up into the shirt and she walks slowly up the stairs, beckoning you with her finger and a 'come hither' look in her eye.Isn't it great how a woman wearing a man's shirt can be so sexy. Of course, if it's the other way around and she comes home and finds you wearing one of her frocks, things don't run quite so smoothly.

Job Descriptions

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.Statistician - Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.Economist - An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.Actuary - Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.Programmer - Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.Mathematician - A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.Lawyer - A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."Psychologist - A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.Schoolteacher - A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.Consultant - Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.Diplomat - Someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Concerned that people weren't washing their hands after using the toilet, our boss put up a sign over the sink in the gents bearing just one word: "Think".The next day, someone had put another sign over the soap dispenser which read: "Thoap".

A Bottle-nosed dolphin captured off Tokyo last month has an extra set of fins that could be the remains of hind legs. Japanese Scientists described the find as a breakthrough; a delicious, delicious breakthrough.