Friday, 19 September 2008


[URL]New Lloyds logo

Investing Advice from Matt [URL]

Shut it! your cornflakes quietly and go to work, or your new cardboard box, anyway..........

Corn Flakes

Definition of an Optimist
An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.

Retailers say there could be a shortage of fireworks for Bonfire Night because Chinese manufacturers used so many for the Beijing Olympics.In fact there are worries there will be none left at all for November 5th if Gordon Brown resigns before then.

Inflation rates are up, banks are bankrupt and holiday firms going bust. I think this government has seriously misunderstood the promise to Make Poverty History.

A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce.. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said "Your Honour, I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody."The judge turns to the husband and says "What do you have to say in your defence?" The man sat for a while contemplating. Then slowly rose. "Your Honour, if I put a coin in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, whose Coke is it; the machines or mine?"

I was invited to the premature ejaculation society dinner.when i contacted them about dress code the girl on the phone said just come in your pants.

What's the difference between Tottenham Hotspur and a cocktail stick?A cocktail stick has 2 points.

Hugh Hefner is breaking up with his 28-year-old girlfriend.Strange couple: elderly man in his robe and pajamas and a hot, youngbabe... oh, wait - that's the Republican ticket.............

Banning shorts selling isn't going to do much for the economy. With summer over I cant see what the problem is, but I'm glad I dont have any JJB Sports shares.