Tuesday, 12 January 2010


I don't fancy going there:


"Steel yourself and pipe down, because this might hurt..." ;0)

A simpler solution would have been the application of lots of ice.

That would have reduced the problem to nothing - literally.

I understand that our local hospital has a Susan Boyle DVD which is used for similar emergencies.




Hooters Calendar 2010




Church Mice






Day 8 of the "Big Freeze"............. ...............and some residents of the small sleepy Sussex village cannot take any more...





Igloo for sale


Checkout the Q & A too :-)




Three animal rights protesters made a BIG mistake....




If Star Wars had Facebook . . .








Peter Robinson went to the optician complaining that his eyes had been watering since March.

The optician told him it was because there was something stuck in his Iris...




A guy walks into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, an engineer from the local airport walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'd like a Line Service monkey, please."The clerk nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the engineer, saying, "That'll be $1,000." The engineer paid and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the first customer went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars.

Why did that one cost so much?"


The shopkeeper answered, "Ah-----that was a line service monkey.

He can park, fuel, and service all types of aircraft, conduct all required ground ops testing, rig aircraft flight controls, and all with no mistakes.

He's well worth the money."


With his interest peaked, the customer then looked around and spotted a monkey in another cage with a $10,000 price tag. "That one's even more expensive! What can it do?" he asked.

"Oh, that one is a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey. She can instruct at all levels of aircraft maintenance, supervise all corrective and preventive maintenance programs, supervise a crew of maintainers, and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.


The customer continued to look around the shop a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read $50,000. Reading that the customer said, "$50,000!!!! Holy smoke, what does this one do?"

"Well", the shopkeeper said, "I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer, screw the girl monkeys, and play with his dick, but his papers say he's a pilot!"





Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.



When I was younger I hated going to weddings.


It seemed that all of my aunts and the grand motherly types used to come up

to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'.


They stopped that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals......



A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees.


The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.


The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.


The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.


The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.


Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?


They went for a coffee and pondered the situation.


Tiger Woods, who was sitting at the next table, leaned over and said; "It's quite simple, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home."














Do you really need to print this email?

Save trees - Eat a beaver.


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