Siblings eh! Hell hath no fury and all that..........
Sister grasses up brother for having beer in room, parents ground him for 3 months, he finds her "list" and posts it on facebook, tags everyone on the list....
The truth of the Internet
Do I want that ?
I'm not sure if I want this book or not
Amusingly named Japanese scientist
photo manipulation at its finest
Ricky Gervais hosts The Golden Globes
Excerpts from Ricky at the Awards show last night . . .
"Looking at all these faces reminds me of all the great work that's been done this year... by cosmetic surgeons.”
"I had a penis reduction. Just got the one now. It's pretty tiny. So are my hands. So when I hold it, it looks pretty big. I wish I was doing that now, to be honest.“
"Now let's get on with it before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno."
"Actors aren't just loved here in Hollywood, they're loved the world over because they're recognisable. You can be in the Third World and you get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it makes you feel better. You can be a little child, a little Asian child, with no possessions, no money - but you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think, 'Mummy!'"
"I was on the same plane as Paul McCartney to get here. I was in first and he was behind me in coach. Well, he spent a lot of money last year."
"I've had a couple of beers... I'm not going to lie to you. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I like a drink as much as the next man... Unless the next man is Mel Gibson."
"A particular stereotype is that Irishmen are drunk, hairy hell raisers. Now please welcome Colin Farrell."
Introducing Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler as "Rachel from Friends and the guy from 300."
Gervais also took a shot at his American counterpart for The Office', Steve Carrell. In answer to Gervais' joke about people wondering where Steve Carrell gets his ideas from, Carrell mouthed at him “I will break you.”
"I will be making the most of this; I'm not used to these viewing figures - let's face it, nor is NBC." He said in reference to his hosting of the Golden Globes.
Satan writes to Rev Pat Robinson about his 'pact with Haiti'.
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.
You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Two women are sitting next to each other on an aeroplane. One is in her twenties, the other in her fifties.
The younger woman says to the elder, "Excuse me, but I couldn't help notice that beautiful diamond ring you're wearing. It's just incredible."
The older woman replies, "Thank you. This is the famous 'Plotnick Diamond' "
"The Plotnick Diamond? I've never heard of it."
"Oh yes, it's very famous. The Plotnick Diamond."
"Well," says the younger woman, "it really is beautiful. I would give anything to have a diamond like that."
"NO! Don't even say that!" exclaims the older woman. "Believe me, darling, you do not want to own this diamond!"
"But why not?"
"Because there is a terrible curse attached to this diamond, that' why."
"A curse?" the younger woman asks.
"Yes, a curse. A curse so awful and horrible that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!"
"What kind of curse could possibly be so terrible?"
The older woman replies, lowering her voice slightly, "Mister Plotnick."
Recommendations: 50 A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a
parrot sitting on a little perch, It has a
For Sale sign at £200 for defective Parrot.
The guy calls out to the staff, so whats
wrong with the parrot?
The parrot says,Hi my names Pete,I was born
without legs, so I am defective
Wow!! the guy replies. "You
actually understood and answered me!
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I
happen to be a highly intelligent
thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this
-- how do you hang onto your perch
without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very
embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap
my winkle around this wooden perch like a
little hook. You can't see it because of
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can
understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and
English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic:
politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at
ornithology. You really ought to buy me.
I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the £200.00 price tag.
"Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm
defective, so the truth is, no body wants
me cause I don't have any feet. You can
probably get me for £20; just make them
The guy offers £20 and walks out with the
Weeks go by, Pete the parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humour, he's
interesting, he's a great pal, he
understands everything, he sympathizes,
and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and
Pete goes, "Psssssssssssst," and
motions him over with one wing. "I don't
know if I should tell you this or not, but
it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail
today, your wife greeted him at the door
in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.
"THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the
house and lifted up her nightie and began
petting her all over," reported the
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the
nightie, got down on his knees and began
to kiss her all over....."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and
fell off my perch!"
Do you really need to print this email?
Save trees - Eat a beaver.
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